Speranza is the Italian word for hope.  The photo below is what hope looks like.  A woman who has been through a great deal of pain, loss and suffering throughout her 80 years, but manages to still smile.  It is a sheer miracle she made it to her 8oth birthday.  Recently, my family celebrated my mom’s birthday and I write today, what can probably be best described as, in a sentimental mood.

Coming off my production of ANIMAL, which dealt in a visceral way how mental illness can ruin a person’s life, I’m feeling grateful that these last few years has brought some joy to this woman.  She has struggled and still struggles, mostly from getting older and physical aliments, but she is a fighter and she fights everyday.   A true survivor that fights on despite what she faces.  None of us knows what the future holds which is why, when we can, we must celebrate life.

With so much doubt and uncertainty in her life dealing with mental illness, raising 5 children and a husband who was ill,  she has managed to crawl out from underneath whatever came her way (that comes all our ways, especially as we age) and live in the best hope she knows how.   Her face in this photo is a true expression of who she is, someone generally content with who she is and who does not want to be a burden to anyone.

Artists deal with a great deal of doubt, rejection and fatigue, but when I think of what my mom has had to endure and how tired she has been over the years, I try not to complain (and often fail) about all the work involved, say, in a re-write of a script.  I do my best to fight on.   Right now I’m fighting with two scripts.  My play ANIMAL, which I have gotten many different opinions on as to what direction to take it.  I know what I must do (I think – doubts abound), but for now, I’m setting the play aside.  I am currently in the midst of a significant re-write of my screenplay LET IT SHINE.

I recently got a harsh critique of LET IT SHINE.   The reviewer wrote that my story begins on page 60 and that the first 60 pages, although interesting backstory, is far too much and needs to be cut down to about 10 pages.  What?  Say again?  It left me, to say the least,  depleted.  Doubts rocked me and rejection, well, don’t even ask.  The last few months I have fiddled with this script because I’m afraid of all the work that needs to be done.  I think back to all the work I did in those first 60 pages – most of which will have to go (insert SIGH).  The reality is I agree with most of the critique, but that doesn’t make the re-write any easier.   With any critical review, start with the stuff you agree with, then move on from there.   Embrace rejection otherwise it will kill you.  In the same breath, believe in yourself/your ability, because if you don’t, that will kill.   Either way…