This is my mom today. Don’t be deceived. Behind the smile and twinkling eyes is a woman who is currently experiencing a black hole called depression. She has been through mental hell these past 6 months. 2020 has not been kind to this woman and it all started last summer when she started feeling more depressed and exhausted. I have documented some of her journey through my writing here. We tried a new anti-depressant and it went very badly, sending her in a manic state which lasted over two months. One day, I will write a script about what I witnessed.
Just as this current pandemic nightmare and the shut down began, she was put on a mood stabilizer that solved the mania. But this past month, depression has gripped her in an unrelenting and savage way. And now she is about to start another anti-depressant. My hope and prayers is that this warrior who oftentimes wants to give up, will somehow find the strength to keep fighting. She has fought with mental illness for over 40 years. She is nothing but a warrior. Hope in the fight is sometimes the only thing we can cling to as we do our best to see our way through the darkness. Suffice to say, the world is upside down right now and I have been fighting a lack of focus.
We are living in turbulent and unprecedented times. Some fights have been going on for hundreds of years. As I write this entry – another nightmare has unfolded in the US – the vicious death of an unarmed black man, George Floyd. His death and the pandemic are colliding together in a devastating way. A high percentage of people dying to Covid are the poor and those in the minority communities. Mr. Flyod’s death just adds to the justifiable anger and pain that has flooded the world over. And it needs to keep flooding it – weeding out the ugly and repugnant – until justice is served.
I am tired of seeing my mom suffer. But a new kind of fatigue has seeped into my soul that has left me sad. I’m doing a lot of listening these days. And my words fail me. So I will leave you with the elegant words of a true warrior – Nelson Mandala. Stay safe. And keep hope alive.
Romeo, I remember your sharing fond anecdotes and looking forward to enjoying delicious food your mom prepared. Sorry to hear that she is going through a period of depression. My prayers for you and all her loved ones at this difficult time when you must keep hope while working through challenges.
Thank you for being so honest Romeo. It is important to talk about the things that are stressful in our lives because getting it out either verbally or in written form is a way of managing it. Sometimes it helps. Life isn’t always easy and that has been evident over the past few months with everything that’s happened in the world. It’s affected all of us in varying degrees. I continue to hope for stability and pray for your Mom in her struggle and with you in your support of her. We are just around the corner and always here to listen. 🙂
I too feel the heaviness in your words, Rome. I am so sorry your Mom is still struggling with such darkness. That you are transparent about it, with her, with us, belies your huge heart of compassion.
This is a time for listening and you are so good at that. Thank you for your observations, your reflections, your watching and listening, and the witness of your writing.
May God lift your burden of sorrow, for you Mom, for the World, for all of Us.
It seems that nothing is easy anymore. Putting our trust in the Lord is the answer. Finding the right medication for depression is tricky. May God lead and guide you as you support your mom in her battle with depression. The Lord is our guide throughout our daily walk with Him.
Romeo, I feel the heaviness in your words. I agree with Nancy that you and your Mom are warriors. All we can do is lean on the Lord in these times. Know that others are standing with you in prayer.
Thank you, Romeo, for posting these very loving words about your Mom. Indeed, she is a warrior and so are you as you journey with her. Praying for you and for her as you navigate this time as God alone understands the complexity of our physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing and can guide us to healing. I so miss seeing you at Shepherd Village, my friend! Keep well and be encouraged that others care!