Disappointment is hard.  Sometimes you can work so hard and be filled with so much hope and good-will, and then it can come crashing down and you feel depleted.   But a word of encouragement about disappointment.  If things come to you a little bit too easy, embrace these gifts gently, certainly appreciate them, but know that life is one long journey and there are many potholes on the road we travel.   Oftentimes if things do come too easily (as Denzel Washington is quoted above), you may not be growing or be the better person that lives inside of you.  That better person needs to be challenged, needs to be disappointed, needs to be pushed in order to get to that next level.  Don’t get too comfortable, because when you do, you stop growing.

Annmarie Morais

From my experience, let me be clear.  Writing.  Is.  Hard.  Work.  Most quit.  Most want to quit.  And most struggle.  Daily.  It’s lonely.  And isolating.  And not great for one’s health (Headaches anyone?  How ’bout back/neck pain?  Bad posture?)  One of my closest and best friends is a writer.  Meet Annmarie Morais (look her up HERE, she is actually making a living doing this writing thing).  Annie is a warrior.  She keeps on going.  She’s ridiculously talented.  Tough.  Honest.  Always fair.  And most of all, always encouraging.   She is like the Mother Teresa of writing in terms of how much she pours into her work and then passes that same passion and love into others. I can’t tell you how many times we have talked about the struggle to write…of the notes we have to somehow incorporate into a script….of the re-writes…and re-writes…and more re-writes.  Re-writes.  Re-writes!  RE-WRITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It.  Never.  Ends.  You need an armor of steel to take the constant barrage of criticism and opinions that come your way.   It always feels like the writing is never good enough.   I know that I’m a competent writer, but am I an excellent one?  Am I a writer that is going to blow you away with a sweep of emotion and make you think of your life in a cathartic, penetrating way.    Because that is the goal.  Anything less is too easy.

Let met tell you a story….Back in 2013, I was 1st Runner-Up in the Kairos Prize in Screenwriting for my screenplay PLAY BALL and was flown to Los Angeles where I received the prize in front of hundreds of industry people.   It was, to say the least, pretty exciting and it opened several doors.  You can read all about my trip HERE.  Based on my win, I optioned PLAY BALL to a New York based producer who had the project for three years.  During that time, I did a re-write while she was exploring financing to make the film and sending the script out to various industry folks to raise money.

During this  same time, another LA director reached out to me about my screenplay WHO IS MOLLY STEELE? and I met up with him in Toronto while he was doing interviews for another film of his.  This director has worked with some big names in Hollywood and I had to pinch myself several times that I was actually sitting across from him at some fancy hotel having breakfast.  He was talking about wanting to direct my screenplay MOLLY STEELE and we spoke at length about re-writes, stars, where he would shoot it, etc, etc, etc…  Shortly after I met with him, I started on a re-write and within a month he sent me an option deal (another way of saying a contract), that would have paid me handsomely.

Both these creative events took place between 2013-2016 and it really felt like my writing was taking off and there was some hope that maybe, just maybe, one of my screenplays would make it to the screen.    Years of struggle and now it seemed things were falling into place…and then everything kind of stopped.  The option deal for PLAY BALL expired and the producer decided not to renew it.  The director who was so enthusiastic about MOLLY STEELE, suddenly was not so hot for the project anymore.  The contract he sent ultimately was never signed and the deal fell through.

I was devastated on both counts and after feeling sorry for myself for a season, I got back to work (thank you Winston Churchill for your wise words).  There was more rejection to come throughout 2017 and 2018.   And also some cool success (my play ANIMAL was mounted after many years of working on it), but even this play will need more work.   ANIMAL, like the current screenplay I’m chipping away at (LET IT SHINE), needs more work because it isn’t quite there. It’s hard to accept.  Not easy.  And that’s okay.   What I’ve learned in this pursuit of writing  (or anything you’re trying to accomplish) is use your disappointment as fuel to be better because to simply write is hard enough (never mind writing something that matters).   At the end of the day, I take great comfort in another quote by Denzel Washington that puts things into perspective:

One can get so caught up in the creativity (or whatever job you’re working at) that you forget who you are while in it.  Don’t.  And finally, one last quote about persevering by tennis great Arthur Ashe, which sums up the idea that no matter how hard things get, and you feel like a failure, beating yourself up does you no good because if you are doing the best you can, that is what really counts.   Take it one day at a time.